This and that . . .

I think I'm done with guys for a while. D (he has been demoted to just D. He doesn't deserve the '+') and I are friends, which is good. Because I was falling into old habits and we just did the whole strained conversation thing and while I am still of a mind where he sucks quite a lot at least I am secure on where we stand. My two biggest fears are being an intrusion or burden and being an afterthought. And I was starting to feel like I was a little bit of both with him and I wasn't happy with that at all and so at least there was conversation *before* it became a resentful situation on either of our parts so friendship can be achieved.

Good.

But still. It hurts. It's a hurting thing and I'm a little bit hurt and I don't like the feeling. I'm not all that happy being me right now, though I'm not feeling any sort of great despair or heartbreak there is still a sting. I like him. I still do. But, you know, whatever.

On the plus side, not dating him anymore means I am less likely to eat crap every weekend which in turn makes me gain weight which in turn sucks*.

So there's that.

Okay, i think I might take a bath and then crawl into bed and read Dresden all night. That sounds lovely. And if I feel like dozing I will.

And maybe tomorrow I'll take out my bike. It's lovely here and I want to take advantage. Also, I want to get a pedicure so I think I'll do that tomorrow, too.

Huh. Sudden realization. Crappy things happen a few days after I get a massage. That's no good. Because the last time I got a massage I got fired four days later and then I got one on Thursday and now the thing with D. Or maybe it's just massages I don't pay full price for. I'm not sure this is something I want to test but if anyone wanted to send me free massages I suppose I could deal. ;)

Okay. Time to do . . . something.

* The exception being tonight because the one time that frozen pizza and ice cream are definitely allowed is when were just kind of dumped. Not a lot of either, like not a whole pie and whole pint, but some. Because tonight I wallow, damn it.

Since I'm wallowing

I may as well add:

*The frozen pizza I got had only four measly pieces of pepperoni, and I almost burned it (slightly singed instead).
*I stabbed myself in the finger with a knife.
*I *finally* got and incentive check I've been waiting for and they spelled my last name wrong in a new and exciting way: one 'U' instead of two 'L's. WtF? Can I still deposit it?
*I have PMS.
*I can berate myself because I initiated the whole discussion. Clearly wanting to know if someone is interested in me is the way to scare them off. At least relationship-wise. And yes, I am bitter.
*I probably won't get to DSW to return the shoes that I need to return by tomorrow to get a refund (stupid 30 days).
*I have no clothes and no money to buy them with and even if I had money nothing I like looks good on me.
*My hair, it turns out, isn't the riot of curls I had hoped like it is when it's long. It's more like a polite chuckle, maybe with a little condescending cough.
*I'm breaking out on my chin like I haven't in a good long time [see: PMS].
*I am totally unlovable and am probably going to die alone.
*This means I might have to actually interact with people again. So as to meet people. Which sucks.
*I feel quite pathetic.
*I'm so afraid of flying.

Maybe I should just have a damn glass of wine. But I am so freaked about drinking on my own. I never do. Maybe, instead, tonight will be a benedryl night.

Stupid boys.