Grrrr

[angelchicken]

Seriously. It feels like every fucking pound I lost this winter had come back tenfold. I have felt like such a cow for the past few weeks. And it doesn't help that the scale at the office sucks like a hoover. In the morning I'm 163, in the afternoon I am 170. How does that work exactly? And then the next day I am 170 all day.

I am not 170. I have been eating so freaking well. How can I be 170? I know that I eat crap. I do. But I have fruit with low-fat peanut butter for breakfast every day! And salad for lunch every day! Good salads. With spinach and chicken and fresh mozz and peppers and tomatoes and carrots. Dressing on the side! HEALTHY!

Apples and strawberries and cherries and blueberries for breakfast!

I know that cheese-nips aren't healthy (by the way- 4 cheese cheese-nips are the greatest carb ever invented). And that junk food is, well, junky. But I try to have a fairly healthy dinner. Egg salad (with only one yolk. Cholesterol is something I worry about) and wild rice or cous-cous with veggies.

Grrr. I am sick of my body. It's just pissing me off!

And I have nothing to do today. Noth-ing. If I wasn't paid hourly I would go home. Grr.

Comments

[mrbig1316.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, I'm right there with you on the body hatred. My boy absolutely disgusts me right now. I don't look overweight to anyone but myself. But I know what I look like Naked ya know? I know where fat is and I also know how to disguise it in some clothing.

Just keep trying and don't get to upset with yourself. This shit happens during diets and weight loss programs. Just go with it.

Its like a tide. Ebbing and Flowing.

[angelchicken.livejournal.com]

I know. And the thing is, I am not actively dieting. I don't want to be actively dieting. I want to eat healthy foods because they are good, not to deprive myself (and I really do like what I eat. My salads are yummy).

I feel like if I actively diet then I will be more tempted to eat pure crap because it's forbidden (I am the queen of reverse psychology susceptibility).

What I really need to do is exercise more. Walking to and from Penn every day is doesn't hurt (it's a little under a mile each way) but it is also stop and go.

I keep thinking I should go back to karate. But there is a whole pride thing. And I love going for walks when I am in the mood, but when I'm not I just get so freaking bored. *sigh* Laziness is my Achilles heal.

I have no will power.

[sodanyc.livejournal.com]

I feel like if I actively diet then I will be more tempted to eat pure crap because it's forbidden (I am the queen of reverse psychology susceptibility).

I completely get that. Specifically telling yourself that you can't have something makes the urge to binge all that much greater. But what I tend to find is that if you take maybe a more moderate outlook, it soon gets to be habit. Like saying that if you make it through the week w/o junky food, then you can have a treat one day, or something like that. If you don't make it, oh well, but no special treat day. And then, hopefully, before you know it, you've been going awhile without, and you just stop craving.

And yeah, excercise is always a good thing in terms of dieting b/c it helps to boost your metabolism and all that other jazz. For some reason, I always think excercising and eating healthy just seems so much easier in the summer; I always have more motivation. And then if you get in the routine, it's easier to carry that out when it gets all bleak and icky outside again. (Though didn't it just stop being bleak and icky here? Silly weather.)

[mrbig1316.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with the concept of your moderate outlook. Its a great idea.

Exercise is good too. Coming from a background in dance, it seems strange that I can't really get motivated into exercise any more. And also, as a dancer, I'm not used to having any weight on me.

I need a gym membership and/or a workout buddy. :)

[sodanyc.livejournal.com]

Oh, dude, you used to dance? I didn't know that. Cool:)

But see, actually, the fact that you can't get motivated now doesn't seem strange to me at all. Before college, all of my excercise had been from dancing, or some sort of team - swimming, cross country, etc. So my first semester of college, I would go to the gym and...it was the most boring thing ever. When you're used to a class or something with a coach, the idea of going to gym, sitting by yourself, and sweating in front of a machine that taunts you with how many calories you're burning is treacherous.

And that's how I got back into dancing. First I did aerobics, which was better than the machines, but dance class is just perfect. Fun with great music yet awesome excercise. It's this great thing b/c it actually makes me look forward to excercising, and I really regret it if I can't make it.

[angelchicken.livejournal.com]

See. That's why I need to get back into karate. Spending 30 minutes on t treadmill spending an hour learning how to kick ass is fun! I just keep not having the motivation.

And it's not like I have to travel far. The dojo is literally a block and a half from my digs. L.A.Z.Y. that is me. I just want to do something!