It's all about perspective

[angelchicken]

So, I walked to Walbaums on my quest for slivered almonds, and had myself a bit of a think.

I'm 27. Not old, by any stretch. And I can still say, with only a bit of wiggling that I am in my late mid-twenties. And I'm okay with that. 27. What ever.

But then, as I was thinking, it dawned on me that two and a half years from right now I will be 30. And that made me pause. And possible hyperventilate. But mostly pause.

What the hell have I done with my life? Who am I? What am I planning on doing? Right now I am single and my womb is barren. No family on the horizon. And, mostly that's okay. But right now? AHHHHH! I have no children! I am in a job with a psycho boss and I am lazy and I never want to do anything and no one will every love me and I'm going to be THIRTY!!!

Oh, and in case you're wondering, today is my wee little sisters birthday. 25 years ago today JCK came screaming into the world and she's never stopped. But it's just who she is. My mom was in labor for all of two hours with her. She wanted to be born and damn it, she was. Very her (though my dad was born faster. My grandparents got to the hospital. Grandpa dropped my grandmother off and went to park the car. When he got to the maternity ward they said "Congratulations, it's a boy". He was that fast. Maybe it's a middle child thing).


So, I am passively having a crisis about my bleak, bleak future. Ah well. I'm tired. Maybe I'll take a nap. And I am really not hungary. Huh.

Comments

[kariyaki.livejournal.com]

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. 28 here. I have a boyfriend but it doesn't help that he's 22 years old and likes to snicker at me about it. Stupid sexy midlife crises.

[ghoulchick.livejournal.com]

It'll be okay. I'm heading toward 32, and I'm here to tell you, 30s are good. Mid-to-late 30s is when women peak sexually, so you've got that to look forward to. I can testify that it does, in fact, seem to be heading that direction for me and my close chick friends. It's really... incredibly pleasant, to say the least. :)

You'll turn 30 at the same time as all of the people who are also right now 27... everyone from your high school graduating class, for instance. You won't be alone. Everyone will be dealing with the same weird feelings about leaving the 20s behind. And you may be surprised at how similar to the 20s it feels. It's not like you wake up and are all, "Wow! I'm so very different, being 30 and all!"

I think other adults tend to take people in their 30s a little more seriously than those in their 20s. For a good chunk of the 20s, you're still considered a "kid" to lots of older folks. By the time you're 30, it's very hard for them to use that excuse anymore... they have to take more stock in what you say. And at about the same time, most thirtysomethings I know seem to feel a little more self-assured and confident in their opinions and lifestyles and all of that. More accepting of how they look, less worried about what other people think. It's a nice place to be.

And... hopefully this won't happen to you, but you may find yourself in a situation in which you're incredibly grateful to wake up and see 30. About a year ago, one of the moms in my play group became a widow. She was only 26, and her husband 27. He never got to see 30. I sometimes think of him, or of any number of babies, kids, young adults whose lives have been cut short for one reason or another, and I feel lucky to get to be 31, to have seen more life than a lot of people ever get to. It's not guaranteed, living to a ripe old age. I'm grateful for my gray hairs, for having gotten to live though every single year of my twenties.

As for not having kids yet... I know that clock can tick loudly, but there really is still a lot of time left. Even ten years from now is plenty of time to start a family. My best friend from high school turns 32 soon, and just got engaged for the first time this past summer to a wonderful man. I know how happy she is that she took her time and found a man who would be a terrific life partner and co-parent. You'll get all of your family ducks in a row, I'm certain of it. It sucks that you can't necessarily know in advance when or how it will work out (I'm going through some of that myself at the moment with the baby-or-no-baby dilemma), but it *will* work out in its own way.

*hugs*

[angelchicken.livejournal.com]

You are wonderful! *hugs*